Beatha Coaching

In my last post I introduced the theme of grief in academia, a pervasive experience that remains largely unacknowledged but which has profound effects on our ability to process, plan, and move forward. In this post, I am going to take a closer look at why grief affects us so acutely, specifically the brain fog or ‘grief brain’ that accompanies experiences of loss and bereavement. Grief brain is a real neurological phenomenon, and is the biological reason why, when going through grief, we struggle to experiment with options and take new decisions.

In the early stages of grief, or where grief remains acute and unprocessed, our neurobiological reactions are similar to those seen during periods of stress. As our bodies register that we are in distress, our brain moves into a survival response designed to protect the basic functions of life and keep us safe. The brain stem and limbic system are prioritised to mobilise us, and our higher brain functions are reduced. In a very practical way, the parts of the brain most essential to continued basic functioning and safety, which are also nearest to the body, take up more of our available energy than the prefrontal cortex where decision making, prioritisation, and control take place. This effect is called neuroplasticity, where the brain temporarily reroutes pathways to respond to current circumstances. What you might experience as this happens includes a range of symptoms, all of which contribute to a sense of brain fog or reduced mental functioning. They might include: losing track of time or your sense of time becoming confused; zoning out; feeling adrift or dissociated in familiar geographies; forgetting routes to locations or arriving without remembering how you got there; difficulty recalling words and people’s names; sudden unexpected bursts of memory recall; and irritation, or bursts of anger or sadness. All of these symptoms are quite normal results of operating in survival mode, and although they can be distressing it can help to remind ourselves that the cause is a temporary rewiring of the brain, and that these experiences aren’t permanent or an indicator of something more serious.

Where grief travels its normal course along the change curve, which I introduced in my previous post, and we move through the early stages of processing and start to come out of depression and into experimentation, our cognitive functions will naturally start to return to normal and the brain fog will ease. This is why we need to be patient and compassionate with ourselves in grief and not rush the early stages, however uncomfortable they feel. It is also important to remember that there is no set time scale for each stage, and every single grief will be different. However, where grief remains unacknowledged or incompletely processed, we can develop complicated grief, which deviates from the change curve and keeps us trapped in rumination. Our anxious thoughts start to trace repeated cycles of counterfactual scenarios in which we took different actions and met with different outcomes. This, in turn, repeatedly stimulates the nervous system to move us into activation and survival mode, reinforcing the brain fog and confusion.

Complicated grief after a bereavement is usually best addressed in therapy, where a trained professional can safely support the reprocessing of traumatic memories to allow us to grieve and adjust. But what about scenarios where cultural factors mean there is no space to acknowledge loss, or time to feel the anger and hurt? O’Connor has explained grief as a form of learning for the brain, which like any new skill takes energy, time, and support. Where these are denied, it is more likely that we will experience complicated grief, as our brains have to work twice as hard to process and adjust to our circumstances. I believe this phenomenon to be very common in academia, where the embedded losses of temporary jobs, constant removals to new locations, opaque hiring practices, and repeated rejections are not publicly acknowledged as griefs. Toxic positivity, inadequate support, and a rolling diet of deadlines mean that the components O’Connor cites as necessary for processing are rarely available. This keeps us in, or regularly returns us to, that state of brain fog where new options and solutions are so much harder to find. It is noticeable that clients and colleagues I have worked with have commented on a renewed clarity in their thinking once they get a permanent post, or finish probation, and can come out of survival mode.

For academia to genuinely become a space where its workers can thrive, a culture in which the costs and losses are acknowledged is essential. A shift in the dominant discourse in HE is required, toward supporting those who are finding it hard to break through, and making public space for the griefs to be felt and expressed without trite advice or dismissal of the individual’s efforts. Until this happens, however, we can all make space for our own griefs and recognise the losses with compassion for ourselves. Learning to sit with uncomfortable or painful feelings is one of the principal goals of anxiety and stress management. It’s only when we name what we are feeling that it can start to become a guide for action, and shift us forward on the change curve. I’ll be running a workshop (free or make a donation) introducing techniques for stress management on 9th February 4-5pm GMT live on zoom, which you can sign up for here. You can also zoom into my weekly Hour of Calm class on Mondays 5.30-6.30pm GMT for more stress and anxiety management support, find out more about it here.

In my next post I’ll be discussing the grief of disappointment, and how we can process a loss of faith in the systems governing UK HE.

If this post has resonated with you, and you would like to make time to explore the themes in more detail, I offer 1-2-1 coaching support, either hour long sessions of therapeutic coaching and CBT for mental and emotional health, or more intensive coaching packages for working through blocks and resistance. Visit my ‘Work with me’ page above for more details or get in touch.